I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
