Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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