He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
