I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
