Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
