I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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