After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
