Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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