she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
