forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
