burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
