We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm at about main and main street
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
