When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
