you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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