Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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