You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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