i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
