Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
