btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
