Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
