Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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