You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
