He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
