im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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