I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
