Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
