My balls are so social today.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
