i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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