Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
