Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
