Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
