I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
