this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
