he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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