we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
