omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
