Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
