I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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