I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
