so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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