She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
