okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
