so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
