; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
