Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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