worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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