My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
