Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
