I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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