I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
