If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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