; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
