these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
