Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
